Below is a short essay by one of our graduating Junior Flames, Krisnee Chuon, as she reflects on her time in middle school, her evolving relationship to her Southeast Asian identity, the lessons she’s learnt from her family and community, and her future in high school.
Hello everyone, my name is Krisnee Chuon. I am in my very last year of middle school, and I will soon be entering a new era. My new era consists of a new school, new people, new teachers, and a new start. The past journey in Park View Middle School has been quite bumpy, but there have been several ups, not just downs. I got through middle school and I learned a lot in the process, but I had a ton of help doing so. Before going into middle school I was a weak and self-conscious person but I’m on a new pathway to highschool, and I’m moving in a new direction as a stronger, more confident person.
Photographed: Krisnee at her Middle School Honors Night
First and foremost, I’ve learned a lot in my life so far, from pre-k to now, and even outside of school my knowledge continues to grow. I carry my education with me proudly, and I learned more than just the four core subjects. I’m thankful to be able to learn in these core classes, but I’ve also learned about myself, and my history, outside of school. I value my education and I value the people that I have the privilege of learning from. These people teach me the basics of saying please and thank you, but they also teach me how to work diligently, how to protect myself, how to be strong, how to work hard, and how to express myself. My education means a lot to me, and without my learning experience I wouldn’t be as successful as I am today.
Secondly, I’ve overcome several obstacles, but I struggle the most to understand myself, my life, and my culture. I came to Park View half-expecting to have no friends. I guess you could say elementary school wasn’t the best experience. During my time in elementary school I constantly felt like I was trying to cover up who I really was just to fit in with the “popular girls,” and I ultimately knew that was wrong, but I didn’t bother to change. That was until I met people that looked like me and liked the same things as me, a more diverse community where I felt like I didn’t need to pretend I was some sort of athlete that only wore expensive athletic clothes. Instead of feeding the toxicity I had to withstand at a young age, I was determined to change myself for the better. I started asking my family about our history and our culture. I'd share what I learned with my friends, the ones that I’m still grateful for even if we aren’t friends to this day. They made me start to embrace who I was. Unfortunately, those few people that put me down by throwing racist jokes, stereotypes, and microaggressions made me want to run and hide all over again. I would hear things like “You’re Asian! Shouldn’t you be in the smart class?” Those comments put so much pressure on me because living in an Asian household with families setting up high expectations was already a lot of pressure even though they tried to support me as best they could. I eventually started establishing my own impossible standards so the fact that I would be put down for not trying hard enough or not fitting into the toxic stereotypes added more weight onto my shoulders. I will admit, I still struggle to be myself, but little by little I’m learning new things about myself and I’ve made so much progress, I’ll continue to grow, and I’ll eventually become a better person.
Photographed: Krisnee and her family
Lastly, throughout my life I had the comfort and support of my friends, family, and community. I’m going to start off by stating the people that helped me the most in life. My mother whom I call mak, my father in which I call ba, my brother, my grandfather, my grandmother, and one of the most supportive communities I’m privileged to be a part of, an organization called ARISE or the Alliance of SouthEast Asian for Education. First, my mother means so much to me, after all, she gave birth to me, raised me, and taught me right from wrong. Mak was the person that taught me everything I needed to know when I leave home one day. She’s the one that signs me up for educational programs and only tells me a few days in advance. Without my mak I really don’t think I would be able to use my voice at all, or have the experience that helps me grow. I’m still learning so much from my mak, she has been through so much. She's the one carrying the whole family on her back, she has her moody teenage daughter, her eldest but dependent son, and of course my ba. My ba is the person that taught me the value of education. He’s taught at eight schools in Cranston and he is by far the best teacher ever. When he was diagnosed with dementia last year he never let that stop him. He always asks me about my day and how the teachers are, how the schools are going, and how much he misses the school community. He always has that goal to defeat dementia and take his life back, and I learned how to never lose hope from him. Ba can be forgetful and stubborn sometimes but he tries so hard to grow. Ba is the type of person to start a conversation with anyone and everyone. He’s funny, caring, smart, kind, patient, everything and more. When my family was going through rough times in 2020, he was the only one that tried to brighten our moods, despite the depression that tried to overcome my brother, mak, and even himself. The sacrifices he has made to bring my family together and light up the world for me is what I’ll never forget about him. My brother also played an important role throughout my journey of getting through middle school. His condition doesn’t stop him either. If I ever need support with school work, friends, family, my parents, I always know who I can go to. He makes time for me and he’s one of the people that taught me my value, (besides the value of x in an algebraic equation). My cousins also support me all the time, they teach me to know my worth, how to take care of myself before others and they’re the ones that spend the most money on me. Now my grandfather, who isn’t here today, taught me that it’s okay to take a break after working hard. I miss the times where I would sit outside the porch with him when things got hard, and I’d watch him feed the birds while admiring my home in Providence. The house that I call home even though I don’t live there anymore, the house where I’d play with my cousins I used to live with and listen to my mom read me books all day. My grandmother showed me how hard she worked and how hard work pays off. My grandmother and mak are so similar. My mother was adopted, she still kept in very close contact with her biological parents and we are very close to her biological siblings, but my grandma that raised me showed me that even though she was treated more harshly by her mother and grandmother and she treated her daughter more harshly than me, she broke that intergenerational trauma. That stereotypical Asian tough love. Lastly, ARISE the organization that taught me the knowledge I used to form these words. I learned what intergenerational trauma was from them, I learned my identity, my culture, my importance. I’ve made friends in that organization, friends that are real and that accept me for me. I haven’t had that in a while, and now I know for a fact I do. These people, all of them, shape who I am today. I will never forget them and I will love them forever, even after death.
In conclusion, I became the person I am today with help, and I greatly encourage everyone to not always rely on yourself because you can’t do things on your own. It won’t hurt to ask for help would it? The worst thing you can hear is no, and if you do hear that, it’s okay you can try again and again and again. If you start to crack and chip, or if you break, you can’t piece yourself together alone, you need a helping hand. Not everyone will ask if you need help so sometimes you just have to take the first step and ask for help yourself. While I start to transition into my new expedition I will carry everything I’ve learned and value with me at all times.
Krisnee Chuon is a co-creator of the Junior Flames program and one of our graduating Middle School seniors.
